I had been meaning to do this for a long time and finally i hauled myself out of the bed on this beautiful autumn morning and got some wonderful sunrise pictures over Sydney's picturesque “Dee Why” beach.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Friday, April 02, 2010
Loss
It is amazing how much we fear loss. Loss, of any kind, is scary enough for us to banish any thought of it, right to the dark nether world inside our mind, never to be heard from again. But we are rarely successful, as these thoughts lurk in the background and are just waiting for a chance to burst out and go “Bhoooo” and rub it in our faces saying “I told you so”.
It is understandable though, because with Loss of any kind, be it of a loved one or a material thing, we feel pain or we grieve. Broken heart, broken ego, broken relationship, broken self worth, pain, grief, embarrassment, fear, uncertainty and humiliation, all side effects of loss. So who in their sane mind wouldn’t fear loss? No one wants to lead a morose life now, do we?
But the effect of Loss is different in different circumstances for different people. Imagine a hunter or an abattoir worker, death of an animal is but a consequence of what they do. Now imagine the same person as a pet owner, death of their pet now is personal, painful and thus a loss. That is the beauty of loss; it is painful only when it is personal. We go through our lives with the very things we are afraid of, happening to others, all around us, yet we are impervious to it. It becomes real only when it manifests itself in our lives.
The other thing about loss is how differently we react to it, from maniacal suicidal tendencies to a mere shrug of the shoulders and the raising of the eyebrows. Our reactions are determined by the type of loss, i.e. the grief felt, and the assumed impact of the loss. I say assumed, not because it is not real, but because it is always over emphasised due to the personal nature (mine, ours etc.) of the loss.
The impact and the grief felt due to Loss fades and reduce with time. As they say, time is a great healer. Loss is also a great teacher. We realise the true value of something only when it is taken away from us. To have and then not to have makes us realise how much we had. Therein lays the biggest power of loss. With loss comes lessons, and with lessons comes wisdom. It provides us new courage, it makes us believe and overcome adversity. It helps us to forgive, repent, accept and let go, thus making us better human beings.
Does the joy of owning a material thing or knowing a person or being associated with something exceed the grief caused by losing it or does the grief outweigh the joy? Can we ever know this? So should a thing we can never ascertain decide on how we act or behave or lead our lives? Should we be scared of loss in our quest to create a perfect happy and secure life?
Loss comes from the changes happening around us and as we know change is but inevitable. So shouldn’t we accept Loss as par for the course and come to accept and embrace it? May be if we do, we can be ourselves, without the fear of loss, maybe then people can see us for who we really are. Imagine if we open ourselves to new experiences and situations with no fear of loss, imagine the lessons we would learn, the characters we could develop and the future we could have, all because we willingly accept loss as a part of our development process.
Loss should mean a new beginning and not a sad ending.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Path of Least Resistance
The other day my friend said “Well, I had no reason to say no, hence I said yes”, a reasonable answer and one that most people give, to explain their apparent lack of choice in most matters. This got me thinking, is it true that in most cases we don’t have a choice and we take up the “only” available option? Or is it that we simply choose not to choose?? How often have we chosen the path of least resistance in our life? How much of our life is by "Default" and not by "Design"? How often have our circumstances and society defined our paths and choices for us?
It is a commonly accepted fact that the shortest distance between any two points is a straight line. But just because the path is the shortest, doesn’t mean it’s the oft taken one. Look at any river; it meanders its way through the landscape, from its origin to its end, a river rarely takes the shortest path to the sea. It takes the path of least resistance, the easy path, which is determined by the lay of the land. The river takes this path, albeit a meandering one, so that it expends the least energy.
Therein lies the irony; the shortest path does not necessarily mean the easiest, but we always seek the easiest and the safest path and thus a meandering path. I look back at my life and I find it riddled with incidents or events, which have occurred because I chose the path of least resistance, because I decided to go with the flow. Taking the short cuts, accepting the norms and being lazy and lethargic. My life was “OK” so why mess with a good thing? that was my point of view. I did it because of inertia, because of my unwillingness to question the status quo and here I am surprised by the result, shocked at where i find myself. This “Fear of Success” has driven me to accept mediocrity in my life. I have come to accept the compromises, the adjustments and the “OK” nature of it all, just to avoid responsibility of choosing a path, while all along convincing myself that this is the only option.
Well look around us and we find successful companies being driven by visions and goals, with review mechanisms in place to track and manage success and we all work in these companies and know of these mechanisms, but we rarely make it work for us. How often do we plan, achieve and make the tough, but the right choices in our life and how much of our life happens because we choose the easy option i.e. the "Only Option"??
It is hard for us to design our life and easy to let it happen to us by default. For when we choose the path, we then become responsible for the path and its outcome, which is scary because then we will have only ourselves to blame. Responsibilities and expectations daunt us. By claiming something we become visible and we stand out from the rest and that is something we fight against all our life. We want to blend in, not stand out. We are programmed to behave, to obey, to conform and not be different. Fears are instilled in us, fate and destiny are thrown at us, religion, retribution and hell is added into the mix in as well. It’s no wonder we are afraid to challenge, design and believe.
As Robert Frost said,
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference
So maybe we need to choose our own path, a path not defined by ease, but by belief. Cut through the forest, climb the mountains and conquer the fear, because sometimes the hardest path is also the most rewarding, fulfilling and also the shortest. The risk of being “unrisky” and doing OK is more dangerous than the risk of choosing your path and failing.
The other day my friend said “Well, I had no reason to say no, hence I said yes”, a reasonable answer and one that most people give, to explain their apparent lack of choice in most matters. This got me thinking, is it true that in most cases we don’t have a choice and we take up the “only” available option? Or is it that we simply choose not to choose?? How often have we chosen the path of least resistance in our life? How much of our life is by "Default" and not by "Design"? How often have our circumstances and society defined our paths and choices for us?
It is a commonly accepted fact that the shortest distance between any two points is a straight line. But just because the path is the shortest, doesn’t mean it’s the oft taken one. Look at any river; it meanders its way through the landscape, from its origin to its end, a river rarely takes the shortest path to the sea. It takes the path of least resistance, the easy path, which is determined by the lay of the land. The river takes this path, albeit a meandering one, so that it expends the least energy.
Therein lies the irony; the shortest path does not necessarily mean the easiest, but we always seek the easiest and the safest path and thus a meandering path. I look back at my life and I find it riddled with incidents or events, which have occurred because I chose the path of least resistance, because I decided to go with the flow. Taking the short cuts, accepting the norms and being lazy and lethargic. My life was “OK” so why mess with a good thing? that was my point of view. I did it because of inertia, because of my unwillingness to question the status quo and here I am surprised by the result, shocked at where i find myself. This “Fear of Success” has driven me to accept mediocrity in my life. I have come to accept the compromises, the adjustments and the “OK” nature of it all, just to avoid responsibility of choosing a path, while all along convincing myself that this is the only option.
Well look around us and we find successful companies being driven by visions and goals, with review mechanisms in place to track and manage success and we all work in these companies and know of these mechanisms, but we rarely make it work for us. How often do we plan, achieve and make the tough, but the right choices in our life and how much of our life happens because we choose the easy option i.e. the "Only Option"??
It is hard for us to design our life and easy to let it happen to us by default. For when we choose the path, we then become responsible for the path and its outcome, which is scary because then we will have only ourselves to blame. Responsibilities and expectations daunt us. By claiming something we become visible and we stand out from the rest and that is something we fight against all our life. We want to blend in, not stand out. We are programmed to behave, to obey, to conform and not be different. Fears are instilled in us, fate and destiny are thrown at us, religion, retribution and hell is added into the mix in as well. It’s no wonder we are afraid to challenge, design and believe.
As Robert Frost said,
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference
So maybe we need to choose our own path, a path not defined by ease, but by belief. Cut through the forest, climb the mountains and conquer the fear, because sometimes the hardest path is also the most rewarding, fulfilling and also the shortest. The risk of being “unrisky” and doing OK is more dangerous than the risk of choosing your path and failing.
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