I had been meaning to do this for a long time and finally i hauled myself out of the bed on this beautiful autumn morning and got some wonderful sunrise pictures over Sydney's picturesque “Dee Why” beach.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Friday, April 02, 2010
Loss
It is amazing how much we fear loss. Loss, of any kind, is scary enough for us to banish any thought of it, right to the dark nether world inside our mind, never to be heard from again. But we are rarely successful, as these thoughts lurk in the background and are just waiting for a chance to burst out and go “Bhoooo” and rub it in our faces saying “I told you so”.
It is understandable though, because with Loss of any kind, be it of a loved one or a material thing, we feel pain or we grieve. Broken heart, broken ego, broken relationship, broken self worth, pain, grief, embarrassment, fear, uncertainty and humiliation, all side effects of loss. So who in their sane mind wouldn’t fear loss? No one wants to lead a morose life now, do we?
But the effect of Loss is different in different circumstances for different people. Imagine a hunter or an abattoir worker, death of an animal is but a consequence of what they do. Now imagine the same person as a pet owner, death of their pet now is personal, painful and thus a loss. That is the beauty of loss; it is painful only when it is personal. We go through our lives with the very things we are afraid of, happening to others, all around us, yet we are impervious to it. It becomes real only when it manifests itself in our lives.
The other thing about loss is how differently we react to it, from maniacal suicidal tendencies to a mere shrug of the shoulders and the raising of the eyebrows. Our reactions are determined by the type of loss, i.e. the grief felt, and the assumed impact of the loss. I say assumed, not because it is not real, but because it is always over emphasised due to the personal nature (mine, ours etc.) of the loss.
The impact and the grief felt due to Loss fades and reduce with time. As they say, time is a great healer. Loss is also a great teacher. We realise the true value of something only when it is taken away from us. To have and then not to have makes us realise how much we had. Therein lays the biggest power of loss. With loss comes lessons, and with lessons comes wisdom. It provides us new courage, it makes us believe and overcome adversity. It helps us to forgive, repent, accept and let go, thus making us better human beings.
Does the joy of owning a material thing or knowing a person or being associated with something exceed the grief caused by losing it or does the grief outweigh the joy? Can we ever know this? So should a thing we can never ascertain decide on how we act or behave or lead our lives? Should we be scared of loss in our quest to create a perfect happy and secure life?
Loss comes from the changes happening around us and as we know change is but inevitable. So shouldn’t we accept Loss as par for the course and come to accept and embrace it? May be if we do, we can be ourselves, without the fear of loss, maybe then people can see us for who we really are. Imagine if we open ourselves to new experiences and situations with no fear of loss, imagine the lessons we would learn, the characters we could develop and the future we could have, all because we willingly accept loss as a part of our development process.
Loss should mean a new beginning and not a sad ending.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Path of Least Resistance
The other day my friend said “Well, I had no reason to say no, hence I said yes”, a reasonable answer and one that most people give, to explain their apparent lack of choice in most matters. This got me thinking, is it true that in most cases we don’t have a choice and we take up the “only” available option? Or is it that we simply choose not to choose?? How often have we chosen the path of least resistance in our life? How much of our life is by "Default" and not by "Design"? How often have our circumstances and society defined our paths and choices for us?
It is a commonly accepted fact that the shortest distance between any two points is a straight line. But just because the path is the shortest, doesn’t mean it’s the oft taken one. Look at any river; it meanders its way through the landscape, from its origin to its end, a river rarely takes the shortest path to the sea. It takes the path of least resistance, the easy path, which is determined by the lay of the land. The river takes this path, albeit a meandering one, so that it expends the least energy.
Therein lies the irony; the shortest path does not necessarily mean the easiest, but we always seek the easiest and the safest path and thus a meandering path. I look back at my life and I find it riddled with incidents or events, which have occurred because I chose the path of least resistance, because I decided to go with the flow. Taking the short cuts, accepting the norms and being lazy and lethargic. My life was “OK” so why mess with a good thing? that was my point of view. I did it because of inertia, because of my unwillingness to question the status quo and here I am surprised by the result, shocked at where i find myself. This “Fear of Success” has driven me to accept mediocrity in my life. I have come to accept the compromises, the adjustments and the “OK” nature of it all, just to avoid responsibility of choosing a path, while all along convincing myself that this is the only option.
Well look around us and we find successful companies being driven by visions and goals, with review mechanisms in place to track and manage success and we all work in these companies and know of these mechanisms, but we rarely make it work for us. How often do we plan, achieve and make the tough, but the right choices in our life and how much of our life happens because we choose the easy option i.e. the "Only Option"??
It is hard for us to design our life and easy to let it happen to us by default. For when we choose the path, we then become responsible for the path and its outcome, which is scary because then we will have only ourselves to blame. Responsibilities and expectations daunt us. By claiming something we become visible and we stand out from the rest and that is something we fight against all our life. We want to blend in, not stand out. We are programmed to behave, to obey, to conform and not be different. Fears are instilled in us, fate and destiny are thrown at us, religion, retribution and hell is added into the mix in as well. It’s no wonder we are afraid to challenge, design and believe.
As Robert Frost said,
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference
So maybe we need to choose our own path, a path not defined by ease, but by belief. Cut through the forest, climb the mountains and conquer the fear, because sometimes the hardest path is also the most rewarding, fulfilling and also the shortest. The risk of being “unrisky” and doing OK is more dangerous than the risk of choosing your path and failing.
The other day my friend said “Well, I had no reason to say no, hence I said yes”, a reasonable answer and one that most people give, to explain their apparent lack of choice in most matters. This got me thinking, is it true that in most cases we don’t have a choice and we take up the “only” available option? Or is it that we simply choose not to choose?? How often have we chosen the path of least resistance in our life? How much of our life is by "Default" and not by "Design"? How often have our circumstances and society defined our paths and choices for us?
It is a commonly accepted fact that the shortest distance between any two points is a straight line. But just because the path is the shortest, doesn’t mean it’s the oft taken one. Look at any river; it meanders its way through the landscape, from its origin to its end, a river rarely takes the shortest path to the sea. It takes the path of least resistance, the easy path, which is determined by the lay of the land. The river takes this path, albeit a meandering one, so that it expends the least energy.
Therein lies the irony; the shortest path does not necessarily mean the easiest, but we always seek the easiest and the safest path and thus a meandering path. I look back at my life and I find it riddled with incidents or events, which have occurred because I chose the path of least resistance, because I decided to go with the flow. Taking the short cuts, accepting the norms and being lazy and lethargic. My life was “OK” so why mess with a good thing? that was my point of view. I did it because of inertia, because of my unwillingness to question the status quo and here I am surprised by the result, shocked at where i find myself. This “Fear of Success” has driven me to accept mediocrity in my life. I have come to accept the compromises, the adjustments and the “OK” nature of it all, just to avoid responsibility of choosing a path, while all along convincing myself that this is the only option.
Well look around us and we find successful companies being driven by visions and goals, with review mechanisms in place to track and manage success and we all work in these companies and know of these mechanisms, but we rarely make it work for us. How often do we plan, achieve and make the tough, but the right choices in our life and how much of our life happens because we choose the easy option i.e. the "Only Option"??
It is hard for us to design our life and easy to let it happen to us by default. For when we choose the path, we then become responsible for the path and its outcome, which is scary because then we will have only ourselves to blame. Responsibilities and expectations daunt us. By claiming something we become visible and we stand out from the rest and that is something we fight against all our life. We want to blend in, not stand out. We are programmed to behave, to obey, to conform and not be different. Fears are instilled in us, fate and destiny are thrown at us, religion, retribution and hell is added into the mix in as well. It’s no wonder we are afraid to challenge, design and believe.
As Robert Frost said,
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference
So maybe we need to choose our own path, a path not defined by ease, but by belief. Cut through the forest, climb the mountains and conquer the fear, because sometimes the hardest path is also the most rewarding, fulfilling and also the shortest. The risk of being “unrisky” and doing OK is more dangerous than the risk of choosing your path and failing.
Monday, July 23, 2007
What Will They “THINK” of Me?
This is a statement that drives most of us during our lifetime. But I have staunchly opposed this philosophy for a good part of my life. I fancied myself as a rebel, someone who controlled his destiny, someone who was not afraid to do things my way. But with age comes mortality, a limit to your otherwise unlimited thinking. Over the last few years I have fallen into the “think like the masses” trap. My actions, my views and my life have slowly but surely, started to revolve around “What will they “Think” of me?”
I wake up each morning with this image I have to live up to. My actions for the day, my thoughts and my behavior are all centered on one thing – being accepted. Ever patient, ever smiling and affable at all times, all just to belong, just to be part of a society. But in this run to be accepted, in this run to belong, I have forgotten the people that matter, my love ones, my friends and family. Why?? Because they are friends and family, hence they should know, they should understand my behavior, and after all, it’s only “family & friends” we will get over it. I have good and valid reasons for the way I behave so why can’t they accept it. And hey, I can’t be cheerful and affable at all times can I? I need to unwind and what better place than home, or with friends, where I can offload all my tragedies and know that they will support me.
But on my journey to be a well accepted social being, I have hurt my loved ones the most. Always making demands of them but never giving them anything and wondering why they are so stiff and un-understanding. Why is it that we hurt the people we love the most, those that matter the most to you and are the closest to you? Why? I have never found the answer.
The irony is that in my quest to please “society”, I constantly answer the “What will they “Think” of me?” question. But the answer is my interpretation of what I think the “society” wants and hence I behave in a pattern that suits. I hope you are following my logic here, because the way “I” act is based on “MY” interpretation of what “I” think the society expects from me. There is no truth, no logic and no proof as to what I am doing/behaving is exactly as I am expected to, and therein lays the tragedy of my life. In my eagerness to please everyone, I have stopped being myself, I have forgotten what my loved ones expect from me and I have forgotten as to what I want from myself.
A life so misguided, shambolic and rudderless that it’s driven by impressions, perceptions and interpretations of what I think it should be, not what I want it to be or what it should actually be. Always scared to break the mould, lest I be recognized and singled out, but not too happy in the cocoon I have surrounded myself with; such has been my story the last few years. Mine has been a life with no goals, ambitions or a sense of achievement.
This is not a gripe about my life, but a confession of a life gone awry but this is not redemption either. I have destroyed a thousand bridges with my family and friends and it will be an arduous task rebuilding them. Relationships that took me years to develop and painstakingly build, I have destroyed in a matter of months, all in a quest to live an “interpretation of the right life”. My inability to face my fear of rejection from the society has culminated in a life filled with hurting and paining my love ones.
Where is redemption I ask? What will set right the unforgivable mistakes of my life? What is done is done and I don’t want to dwell on the what-if scenarios. In my journey the last few years, I had forgotten the most important “They” in the equation. “They” being my loved ones, the only people that matter to me and they should be the ones I should think about and worry about and lead my life for.
This is a statement that drives most of us during our lifetime. But I have staunchly opposed this philosophy for a good part of my life. I fancied myself as a rebel, someone who controlled his destiny, someone who was not afraid to do things my way. But with age comes mortality, a limit to your otherwise unlimited thinking. Over the last few years I have fallen into the “think like the masses” trap. My actions, my views and my life have slowly but surely, started to revolve around “What will they “Think” of me?”
I wake up each morning with this image I have to live up to. My actions for the day, my thoughts and my behavior are all centered on one thing – being accepted. Ever patient, ever smiling and affable at all times, all just to belong, just to be part of a society. But in this run to be accepted, in this run to belong, I have forgotten the people that matter, my love ones, my friends and family. Why?? Because they are friends and family, hence they should know, they should understand my behavior, and after all, it’s only “family & friends” we will get over it. I have good and valid reasons for the way I behave so why can’t they accept it. And hey, I can’t be cheerful and affable at all times can I? I need to unwind and what better place than home, or with friends, where I can offload all my tragedies and know that they will support me.
But on my journey to be a well accepted social being, I have hurt my loved ones the most. Always making demands of them but never giving them anything and wondering why they are so stiff and un-understanding. Why is it that we hurt the people we love the most, those that matter the most to you and are the closest to you? Why? I have never found the answer.
The irony is that in my quest to please “society”, I constantly answer the “What will they “Think” of me?” question. But the answer is my interpretation of what I think the “society” wants and hence I behave in a pattern that suits. I hope you are following my logic here, because the way “I” act is based on “MY” interpretation of what “I” think the society expects from me. There is no truth, no logic and no proof as to what I am doing/behaving is exactly as I am expected to, and therein lays the tragedy of my life. In my eagerness to please everyone, I have stopped being myself, I have forgotten what my loved ones expect from me and I have forgotten as to what I want from myself.
A life so misguided, shambolic and rudderless that it’s driven by impressions, perceptions and interpretations of what I think it should be, not what I want it to be or what it should actually be. Always scared to break the mould, lest I be recognized and singled out, but not too happy in the cocoon I have surrounded myself with; such has been my story the last few years. Mine has been a life with no goals, ambitions or a sense of achievement.
This is not a gripe about my life, but a confession of a life gone awry but this is not redemption either. I have destroyed a thousand bridges with my family and friends and it will be an arduous task rebuilding them. Relationships that took me years to develop and painstakingly build, I have destroyed in a matter of months, all in a quest to live an “interpretation of the right life”. My inability to face my fear of rejection from the society has culminated in a life filled with hurting and paining my love ones.
Where is redemption I ask? What will set right the unforgivable mistakes of my life? What is done is done and I don’t want to dwell on the what-if scenarios. In my journey the last few years, I had forgotten the most important “They” in the equation. “They” being my loved ones, the only people that matter to me and they should be the ones I should think about and worry about and lead my life for.
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