Procrastination
pro·cras·ti·nate (pr -kr s t -n t , pr -) - To put off doing something, especially out of habitual laziness
Procrastination, that’s something we all have done, at some point in our life, some more regularly than others. But me, I have filtered it down and refined it into an art form. Like the old adage goes, why do something today, that can be done tomorrow. Why?
It’s such a waste of effort and time to do things. You could spend your time more productively sleeping, eating, watching TV or just putting on weight. There are so many pleasures to be had, so why exert yourself? Man is a creature of habit, and I am especially so, and since bad habits are easier to pick up and maintain, I love them even more. They say “Ignorance is Bliss” but I believe laziness should be also included. What better bliss can be had?
I feel procrastination feeds into the Hedonistic philosophy of mine. Hedonism subscribes to the ideology "whatever causes pleasure is right” and I totally agree I must add. Why do something that causes pain and grief? Why not avoid the mundane and the boring chores of life? I say pleasure is the highest good. You can’t fight that philosophy can you? When you cant be perfect why try? Why put in the effort and fail? Avoid the pitfalls and the effort as well.
Among the different types of procrastinator, I am cast in the mould of “the relaxed, pleasure seeking procrastinator”. A self-indulgent procrastinator, who feels that gain, is not worth the pain. Denis Waitley hit the point when he said, “Procrastination is the fear of success... Because success is heavy, it carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the "someday I'll" philosophy”. How true.
When I look back at 27 years of what has been my life so far, I can see phases with insanely frenetic activities and similarly, phases with mind numbing inactivity. As I approach 30, not with great gusto I must add, I see myself as a lazy slob, with no clear aim and direction. A rudderless boat, floating downstream pulled hither and thither with no shore in sight. There is a saying by Henri Estienne which I think is apt “If youth but knew; if age but could”. Without knowing, I did a lot, and now when I know, I just don’t want to. The cruel irony doesn’t escape me, it stares me in the eye, it mocks me, defies me & denies me and worst of all, I can’t seem to do anything.
It’s been more than a year since I last posted a blog, all along blaming my busy schedule and lack of motivation to write. I have lost touch with numerous friends & family, due to my inability to email or call. I have lost my enthusiasm to achieve, work seems so laborious, in short I have lost my ability to enjoy the simple things in life. Or as my friend would say, I have lost my “MOJO”. I guess it’s the bane of my life, this inane habit, this self perfected art-form that has so innocuously taken control over me. My hedonistic habits never once led me to think I was procrastinating. In my eagerness to maximize short term gains I have lost my long term happiness.
This blog has been a Catharsis for me. I wanted to see in black and white the tragedy of my life. I wanted to see the irony, accept my fault and move on. But more importantly I wanted to write again. I wanted to cleanse my system and restart and write anything, something. It might appeal to most and appears disjointed at best, but I am happy to be writing. I am happy to be doing something other than procrastinating for once.
Self realization, it’s said, is half the battle won, so hopefully I am on the mend. I want more in life than just being a slob. I want do more than just procrastinate. They say “Seek and you shall find”, I am going to start my journey all over again.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Monday, June 14, 2004
writ·er's block (r t rz) n.
"A usually temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a piece of writing"
That’s the dictionary version of my experience over the past few months. I have been facing a writer’s block. My inability to spew out words captured adroitly and I was praying, hoping, wishing, that this block would disappear true to its meaning. But it wasn’t temporary at all, and that’s when I thought why not to write on my inability to write. Hmmm … I was proud that I had outsmarted my own weakness. I was gloating and basking in my glory. Alas I never realised how fickle these moments can be !!
Yep, you guessed it right, I still had the block and the words were refusing to flow, or should I say even ooze or drip out. My river of thoughts had run dry, not that it was ever flowing in profusion, but this droughty spell was a bit too long for my liking. I cried out for inspirations, like the Indian farmer’s do for rain during drought. I prayed to all gods, across all religions but was never blessed with an idea.
I wrote a sentence, erased it, shook my head, bit my nails bare, nibbled on my collars, wrote again, deleted again, a never ending process some would say, and mostly I was rewarded with an empty white screen. Bare and devoid of alphabets, however much I wished otherwise. The screen was bare and empty, mocking me, challenging me and teasing me at my inability to write.
They say, its better to have tried and failed, than to have never tried at all. I drew solace from this fact. I had tried and no one could blame me for not trying, or of being a lethargic, disinterested writer or an insouciant. Well what more could I say ? It’s hard enough to write decent stuff, without having people turn up their noses, and add to it the writer’s block; I was kayoed from the start.
I rest my case, my time to write will come and I will wait for that day.
"A usually temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a piece of writing"
That’s the dictionary version of my experience over the past few months. I have been facing a writer’s block. My inability to spew out words captured adroitly and I was praying, hoping, wishing, that this block would disappear true to its meaning. But it wasn’t temporary at all, and that’s when I thought why not to write on my inability to write. Hmmm … I was proud that I had outsmarted my own weakness. I was gloating and basking in my glory. Alas I never realised how fickle these moments can be !!
Yep, you guessed it right, I still had the block and the words were refusing to flow, or should I say even ooze or drip out. My river of thoughts had run dry, not that it was ever flowing in profusion, but this droughty spell was a bit too long for my liking. I cried out for inspirations, like the Indian farmer’s do for rain during drought. I prayed to all gods, across all religions but was never blessed with an idea.
I wrote a sentence, erased it, shook my head, bit my nails bare, nibbled on my collars, wrote again, deleted again, a never ending process some would say, and mostly I was rewarded with an empty white screen. Bare and devoid of alphabets, however much I wished otherwise. The screen was bare and empty, mocking me, challenging me and teasing me at my inability to write.
They say, its better to have tried and failed, than to have never tried at all. I drew solace from this fact. I had tried and no one could blame me for not trying, or of being a lethargic, disinterested writer or an insouciant. Well what more could I say ? It’s hard enough to write decent stuff, without having people turn up their noses, and add to it the writer’s block; I was kayoed from the start.
I rest my case, my time to write will come and I will wait for that day.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
FEAR
In India the popular saying goes, “he who is afraid, is dead”, but then the other side of the saying goes, “he who is scared, lives to tell the tale”. But I feel, that we have nothing to fear, but fear itself. All our actions and reactions are driven by fear. I feel that fear is the driving force, the reason and the impetus in our lives.
Since our childhood days, our parents control us by instilling fear, “ don’t do that/ this.... or else …God / Father will punish u”. The childhood curiosity is quelled and controlled by use of fear. A child’s imagination is snipped at the bud, using fear, never reason, because fear is so easy to instil and invoke whenever needed. Our child-like curiosity scares the hell out of our parents ('But mum, I just wanted to see what would happen if I used the phone in the shower'), which is why parents then try to scare it out of their kids. How? With stories about curious children who insist on prying into things that are best left alone and who end up getting turned into things, shoved into ovens or eaten by wild animals.
Even the Holy Scriptures and epics do a good job of instilling fear too. You'll find the Old Testament a rich source of this stuff: God says to the human race (the two of them) 'Listen you crazy kids, do anything, go anywhere but keep the hell away from the tree of knowledge... eat not of its fruit or you're history.' Well, you know what happened next - Eve got curious and God does some pretty heavy smiting. You can imagine God as a Robert DeNiro type... 'Are you listenin' to me? Are you listenin' to me? I'm askin' you if you're listenin' to me? Huh? Well BAM! How do ya like that?')
The good book makes the penalty pretty clear - mind your own damn business or the entire human race will be damned to live and die in pain.
Every culture tells the same story - a forbidden thing, a curious spirit, eternal damnation and death. These stories serve to keep kids at home and men & women in line... and by and large, they work pretty well.
The Indian epics and beliefs also instil this fear in abundance into the masses. Personally I believe God is man’s greatest invention. God and religion, the tools, invented to make the mankind compliant and obedient. “God is everywhere, God sees everything, and God is Omnipotent, Omniscient & Omnipresent”. The concept of heaven & earth, of liberation, mukthi & niravana, all invented to make people feel guilty. Guilt!!! The realisation of ones sins, the best tool used in conjunction with repentance, to harness mankind. Great were the minds, who realised the Fear Factor and invented the tools to make man subservient.
We as humans are scared about everything. We are afraid of what others think about us. We are afraid of making a fool of ourselves, or being laughed at. We are afraid of being hurt, we are afraid of losing our near & dear ones. Well, we are afraid of fear itself. Fear rules and governs our behaviours, actions and beliefs. Couple, fear with guilt and it becomes too potent a mix to handle, Heady & dangerous.
We love someone, with a fear of losing them; we work, fearing a life of joblessness and hardship. We do things, fearing what would happen if we didn’t. We have fun, but with a feeling of uneasiness involved. Always with a nagging thought or two we move ahead in life.
Cant we do things, for the sake of doing them and not because of the fear associated with it. Can’t we live our lives not having to cringe, whinge and complain? Can’t we live for the sake of living, without fear to cloud our thoughts and actions? Can’t we just BE??
In India the popular saying goes, “he who is afraid, is dead”, but then the other side of the saying goes, “he who is scared, lives to tell the tale”. But I feel, that we have nothing to fear, but fear itself. All our actions and reactions are driven by fear. I feel that fear is the driving force, the reason and the impetus in our lives.
Since our childhood days, our parents control us by instilling fear, “ don’t do that/ this.... or else …God / Father will punish u”. The childhood curiosity is quelled and controlled by use of fear. A child’s imagination is snipped at the bud, using fear, never reason, because fear is so easy to instil and invoke whenever needed. Our child-like curiosity scares the hell out of our parents ('But mum, I just wanted to see what would happen if I used the phone in the shower'), which is why parents then try to scare it out of their kids. How? With stories about curious children who insist on prying into things that are best left alone and who end up getting turned into things, shoved into ovens or eaten by wild animals.
Even the Holy Scriptures and epics do a good job of instilling fear too. You'll find the Old Testament a rich source of this stuff: God says to the human race (the two of them) 'Listen you crazy kids, do anything, go anywhere but keep the hell away from the tree of knowledge... eat not of its fruit or you're history.' Well, you know what happened next - Eve got curious and God does some pretty heavy smiting. You can imagine God as a Robert DeNiro type... 'Are you listenin' to me? Are you listenin' to me? I'm askin' you if you're listenin' to me? Huh? Well BAM! How do ya like that?')
The good book makes the penalty pretty clear - mind your own damn business or the entire human race will be damned to live and die in pain.
Every culture tells the same story - a forbidden thing, a curious spirit, eternal damnation and death. These stories serve to keep kids at home and men & women in line... and by and large, they work pretty well.
The Indian epics and beliefs also instil this fear in abundance into the masses. Personally I believe God is man’s greatest invention. God and religion, the tools, invented to make the mankind compliant and obedient. “God is everywhere, God sees everything, and God is Omnipotent, Omniscient & Omnipresent”. The concept of heaven & earth, of liberation, mukthi & niravana, all invented to make people feel guilty. Guilt!!! The realisation of ones sins, the best tool used in conjunction with repentance, to harness mankind. Great were the minds, who realised the Fear Factor and invented the tools to make man subservient.
We as humans are scared about everything. We are afraid of what others think about us. We are afraid of making a fool of ourselves, or being laughed at. We are afraid of being hurt, we are afraid of losing our near & dear ones. Well, we are afraid of fear itself. Fear rules and governs our behaviours, actions and beliefs. Couple, fear with guilt and it becomes too potent a mix to handle, Heady & dangerous.
We love someone, with a fear of losing them; we work, fearing a life of joblessness and hardship. We do things, fearing what would happen if we didn’t. We have fun, but with a feeling of uneasiness involved. Always with a nagging thought or two we move ahead in life.
Cant we do things, for the sake of doing them and not because of the fear associated with it. Can’t we live our lives not having to cringe, whinge and complain? Can’t we live for the sake of living, without fear to cloud our thoughts and actions? Can’t we just BE??
Friday, March 05, 2004
The Broken Mirror
I was on my way to college, the streets were overflowing with the rush hour traffic and I just couldn’t help but remember India. Though the blaring horns and the enraged drivers weren’t present, the melee did resemble India’s normal time traffic, though a lot more organised. There were lotsa cars parked on the way and I happened to glance at one such car’s rear view mirror.
The glass was cracked and I could see myriad images of myself in it. Each image a part of the whole, but also consummate in itself. Every image telling it’s own tale, but not big enough to make up a whole picture.
That’s when I realised, how that broken mirror reflected us humans. All of us have these images / experiences stored within us. Each one consummate in itself and still a part of the bigger picture. Each experience telling us different tales, ones of sorrow, of grief, of happiness, of joy, of every moment that makes our life complete. Each experience a story in itself but not big enough to make up the novel, namely our life.
Our whole life would be incomplete with any one piece missing, but then would it be complete if the mirror weren’t to have cracked at all. Would we have been better off without these cracks??? Or do these cracks, these pieces enrich us?? What would we be if we weren’t to have these broken pieces in us at all?? How would we behave?? How would we think?? Would we be happy always and ever after?? How do we find a balance, i. e how do we decide how many pieces to have, do we have a choice to decide?? Which pieces to retain and which to forget?? All of us are scared to have the cracks that causes up pain. We try to hide them, run away from them, and anything but acknowledge them. Can we ever outrun them?? Should we run ??
The questions to which I have no answers, however much ever I delve into it. It amazes me, that we as humans fight against all odds, but are never really able to fight or define the cracks within us.
I was on my way to college, the streets were overflowing with the rush hour traffic and I just couldn’t help but remember India. Though the blaring horns and the enraged drivers weren’t present, the melee did resemble India’s normal time traffic, though a lot more organised. There were lotsa cars parked on the way and I happened to glance at one such car’s rear view mirror.
The glass was cracked and I could see myriad images of myself in it. Each image a part of the whole, but also consummate in itself. Every image telling it’s own tale, but not big enough to make up a whole picture.
That’s when I realised, how that broken mirror reflected us humans. All of us have these images / experiences stored within us. Each one consummate in itself and still a part of the bigger picture. Each experience telling us different tales, ones of sorrow, of grief, of happiness, of joy, of every moment that makes our life complete. Each experience a story in itself but not big enough to make up the novel, namely our life.
Our whole life would be incomplete with any one piece missing, but then would it be complete if the mirror weren’t to have cracked at all. Would we have been better off without these cracks??? Or do these cracks, these pieces enrich us?? What would we be if we weren’t to have these broken pieces in us at all?? How would we behave?? How would we think?? Would we be happy always and ever after?? How do we find a balance, i. e how do we decide how many pieces to have, do we have a choice to decide?? Which pieces to retain and which to forget?? All of us are scared to have the cracks that causes up pain. We try to hide them, run away from them, and anything but acknowledge them. Can we ever outrun them?? Should we run ??
The questions to which I have no answers, however much ever I delve into it. It amazes me, that we as humans fight against all odds, but are never really able to fight or define the cracks within us.
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