Loss

It is amazing how much we fear loss. Loss, of any kind, is scary enough for us to banish any thought of it, right to the dark nether world inside our mind, never to be heard from again. But we are rarely successful, as these thoughts lurk in the background and are just waiting for a chance to burst out and go “Bhoooo” and rub it in our faces saying “I told you so”.

It is understandable though, because with Loss of any kind, be it of a loved one or a material thing, we feel pain or we grieve. Broken heart, broken ego, broken relationship, broken self worth, pain, grief, embarrassment, fear, uncertainty and humiliation, all side effects of loss. So who in their sane mind wouldn’t fear loss? No one wants to lead a morose life now, do we?

But the effect of Loss is different in different circumstances for different people. Imagine a hunter or an abattoir worker, death of an animal is but a consequence of what they do. Now imagine the same person as a pet owner, death of their pet now is personal, painful and thus a loss. That is the beauty of loss; it is painful only when it is personal. We go through our lives with the very things we are afraid of, happening to others, all around us, yet we are impervious to it. It becomes real only when it manifests itself in our lives.

The other thing about loss is how differently we react to it, from maniacal suicidal tendencies to a mere shrug of the shoulders and the raising of the eyebrows. Our reactions are determined by the type of loss, i.e. the grief felt, and the assumed impact of the loss. I say assumed, not because it is not real, but because it is always over emphasised due to the personal nature (mine, ours etc.) of the loss.

The impact and the grief felt due to Loss fades and reduce with time. As they say, time is a great healer. Loss is also a great teacher. We realise the true value of something only when it is taken away from us. To have and then not to have makes us realise how much we had. Therein lays the biggest power of loss. With loss comes lessons, and with lessons comes wisdom. It provides us new courage, it makes us believe and overcome adversity. It helps us to forgive, repent, accept and let go, thus making us better human beings.

Does the joy of owning a material thing or knowing a person or being associated with something exceed the grief caused by losing it or does the grief outweigh the joy? Can we ever know this? So should a thing we can never ascertain decide on how we act or behave or lead our lives? Should we be scared of loss in our quest to create a perfect happy and secure life?

Loss comes from the changes happening around us and as we know change is but inevitable. So shouldn’t we accept Loss as par for the course and come to accept and embrace it? May be if we do, we can be ourselves, without the fear of loss, maybe then people can see us for who we really are. Imagine if we open ourselves to new experiences and situations with no fear of loss, imagine the lessons we would learn, the characters we could develop and the future we could have, all because we willingly accept loss as a part of our development process.

Loss should mean a new beginning and not a sad ending.